Friday, April 22, 2005
From this week’s Onion, my favorite feature, “What Do YOU Think? …. But first, check out their hilarious slide show feature on the life of the late Pope John Paul II..
Question: “Most security personnel defend the use of Tasers, but Amnesty International said that there have been more than 100 Taser-related deaths since 2001. What do you think?”
(taser n. delivers a high-voltage, low-amperage charge that mimics the body's electrical signals, temporarily paralyzing the target from a range of 15-20 feet. )
Answer 1: "If you're a cop, deadly force is the last thing you want to use. However, if you're a really twisted cop, a weapon that leaves a suspect flopping about like an epileptic puppy is dead-bang perfect."
Answer 2: "People complain that getting hit by a Taser is really painful, but in reality it doesn't hurt until your hypothalamus starts working again."
Answer 3: "I only hope this controversy doesn't affect my soon-to-be-launched national family-fun franchise, Taser Tag."
Answer 4: "You wouldn't be complaining about Tasers if you had a rubber bullet lodged within inches of your heart like me."
Answer 5: "As a man who wears a thick-rubber gimp suit on his midnight visits to the nursing school, I have no problem with Taser use."
Answer 6: "Tasers are too much of a hazard. I guess the police will just have to go back to using tractor beams."
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Question: “Most security personnel defend the use of Tasers, but Amnesty International said that there have been more than 100 Taser-related deaths since 2001. What do you think?”
(taser n. delivers a high-voltage, low-amperage charge that mimics the body's electrical signals, temporarily paralyzing the target from a range of 15-20 feet. )
Answer 1: "If you're a cop, deadly force is the last thing you want to use. However, if you're a really twisted cop, a weapon that leaves a suspect flopping about like an epileptic puppy is dead-bang perfect." Answer 2: "People complain that getting hit by a Taser is really painful, but in reality it doesn't hurt until your hypothalamus starts working again." Answer 3: "I only hope this controversy doesn't affect my soon-to-be-launched national family-fun franchise, Taser Tag." Answer 4: "You wouldn't be complaining about Tasers if you had a rubber bullet lodged within inches of your heart like me." Answer 5: "As a man who wears a thick-rubber gimp suit on his midnight visits to the nursing school, I have no problem with Taser use." Answer 6: "Tasers are too much of a hazard. I guess the police will just have to go back to using tractor beams."this entry's permalink
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